TOO MUCH LOVE WILL KILL YOU

My friend and his sister were alone in the house, and he decided to invite me over. While we were in his room, we heard his sister come up the stairs and go into her room with a guy. We knew what was happening. So for a while we decided to ignore them, but they were getting loud. My friend put the air pressure in his paint ball gun and gave it to me. I crept up to his sister’s door, opened it, and started pulling the trigger (there were no paintballs). I have never seen a man so scared that he couldn’t hide, and never seen a woman cover herself that fast. To this day she still can’t face me (2 years later).

 

Submitted by Anonymous

 

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Life’s a Bitch

I met this two men at a party. I love having sex with strangers so I decided to try this two good looking men. The three of us were really going at it hard. Having two people fucking me together at once made me all sweaty, and I was enjoying it, a lot. But just when I was going to cum, the two left me abandoned and started having sex with themselves. I was like, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!” Of all the people I could have picked, I chose two fucking gay to have sex with me. I never took another stranger to the bed with me. And I still don’t understand why those freaking homosexuals chose me when they were going to fuck each other.

 

Submitted by Anonymous

 

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Shared a Meal

“I went over to an old friend’s house to catch up and smoke a little green. We’d always talked about getting high when we worked together and we hadn’t seen each other in a few years. We’d always flirted but nothing more because she always had a boyfriend.

Anyway, one thing led to another and when I passed her the joint, she kissed me. We made out and petted each other for a while before I started rubbing her clit. Before I knew it, I was finger banging her for all I was worth on the couch, and she came. Hard. So we were lying together in a sort of haze when we heard a car pulled up. “Shit, it’s my boyfriend!” she said, which was news to me because I thought they were over. I didn’t have time to wash up and when he came in, I met him with what can only be described as a ‘moist’ handshake. It was so awkward, but not as bad as what happened next. We all sat down and had a meal together, with her shooting me looks over lunch. She broke up with him shortly after.”

 

Submitted by Anonymous

 

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Almost Died

One night before bed, my boyfriend at the time and I decided to do our nightly ritual of getting off. I live by the oath that I was taught to give my man a blow job at least once a week. So this night was the night. After I swallowed him, I lied down next to him proud of myself. About an hour later, I woke up choking. My throat was closing and it felt like liquid is flowing freely from my throat into my lungs and stomach. I panicked and wake up my boyfriend to take me to the ER.
Once we were there, the doctor rushed to me and asked if I’m allergic to any medicines. I was unable to talk but my boyfriend told the doctor I am, in fact, allergic to Penicillin. The doctor stated that I was having an allergic reaction and he wanted to know if I ingested Penicillin. I quickly shook my head, knowing I am deathly allergic. Then he asked, “Well if you haven’t ingested it how did you get it in your system?” At that point, my boyfriend was very embarrassed and said, under his breath, “I am taking it.” The doctor looked confused for mere seconds and then smiled. He said, “I can stop this reaction for you this time, but you should be more careful of what you ingest from now on.” I wanted to die!

 

Submitted by Anonymous

 

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Boner Killer

“I was dating this chick whose mom had passed away when she was little. One day we ended having sex and losing our virginity to each other, and in mid sex she looks up at me and says, “My mom’s watching down on us right now.”

 

Submitted by Anonymous

 

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If you still haven’t read the Erotic Dysfunction: People’s Most Embarrassing and Absurd Sex Confessions, click the book cover image located at the upper left corner of the webpage.

Love is a Battlefield

“I went to a house party a few weeks ago with a few of my friends. We all decided to play a few drinking games and I got to talking to this girl. An hour later, we were extremely intoxicated and I started playing with the girl through her pants under the table. Then, she stood up, grabbed my hand and took me to bedroom leaving my friends still playing around the table.

As soon as we got in the room, she tackled me on the bed. She got under the quilts and I followed, and started going down on her. After about 5 minutes, my friends called me as someone was at the door asking for me. As I got to the door, I saw my brother standing with a shocked look on his face. He asked me who I’d been fighting, then my friends came to the door and started laughing. My brother told me to look at my hands and face. I looked at my hands and there was blood everywhere. As soon as I realized it wasn’t my blood, I felt sick in my whole body. I quickly washed myself and went back upstairs to confront the girl but she had left the house. She must have realized she was on and what had happened and sneaked out. I’d seen her around recently but she ignored me.”

 

Submitted by Anonymous

 

Submit your confessions. Your story will be featured on this website or in our next book.

 

If you still haven’t read the Erotic Dysfunction: People’s Most Embarrassing and Absurd Sex Confessions, click the book cover image located at the upper left corner of the webpage.